I used to play a cd in the car a lot when Jax was a baby to help him fall asleep. The lyrics to one of the songs said:

I pray you know the Father’s love, may you find it never ends.
And may grace and mercy lift you up, and give you strength to go where life sends.
I willl pray over you, I will pray over you,
that you may grow in love, faith, hope, and truth,
I will pray, I will pray over you.

At the time, it brought peace in the most literal form you can imagine…like, “Chill kid, I’m fixin’ to lose my mind up in here” kinda peace. But when I sing those words over in my mind now, it brings a new kind of peace, of the supernatural kind.

As much as I’ve tried to keep Jax little and guard his heart, he’s growing into adolescence now. His struggles are different than they used to be. They’re not just scary sounds in the closet or hang nails. They’re not as easy to kiss away anymore. They’ve become harder for him, and for us, as his parents, to navigate.

Some of his current struggles involve overcoming fear to learn to ride his bike and starting to feel the academic pressure to compete at school. He feels pressured and wants to learn to ride, but he is scared and uncertain. He wants to fit in with the new neighborhood crowd of children who ride bikes, but his desire to learn hasn’t yet become greater than his fear of falling.

Recently he’s started talking to me about feeling inadequate at school. Third grade is the first grade in North Carolina where students shoulder the weight of THE TEST. The curriculum gets hard in a hurry, and the underlying message, even when it’s not verbalized, is “The EOG is coming…”. I know this because in another life I was one of the third-grade teachers haunted by it. In third-grade, they no longer get an “S” for “satisfactory”, but now they get real grades. He is beating himself up for not having straight A’s. He’s not “feeling very smart” because he doesn’t always understand the new math concepts the first time they’re taught (NEWSFLASH: NEITHER DOES YOUR MOM, KID!). All that to say, this new season of his life is tough, and we want to shepherd his heart well.

So, what do we tell him? “It’s ok, you don’t have to learn to ride, if you’re scared.”

Do we say, “Grades are not important, don’t be stressed.”?

Although I can see how telling him those things would relieve his stress, I don’t’ think it would be good parenting on our part. Of course, we want him to ride his bike. We want to help him accomplish that. Of course, we want him to excel in school (truly don’t give a toot about that test though. SHHHHH!!!!). But, we don’t want him to feel like he has to carry the weight of the world and do these things in his own power. We want him to learn to lean into the grace of His Heavenly Father to help him with these struggles.

He asked me through tears at one point during a conversation about riding his bike, “Should I pray about riding my bike?” I could tell by the way he asked that it seemed to him like it might be a silly question; like he wondered if God cared about him riding his bicycle.

I answered him, “Yes! You absolutely should. But you shouldn’t just ask God to make sure you don’t have to do it or to make it easy and painless. You should ask Him to give you the desire to learn, the determination to stick with it, and the strength to push through the fear.” I told him God doesn’t exist to make sure we’re never uncomfortable, or that we never have to do hard things. But He did tell us that He would be with us during the hard times.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

He wants us to pray and ask Him for help.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
Psalm 18:6

He wants us to ask Him for strength, when we feel weak.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

He wants us to experience His perfect peace during trials. He doesn’t want us to just coast through life on autopilot and turn down a smoother road every time ours gets bumpy or even worse, we fall. He wants us to press into Him to draw from His wisdom and strength. He wants to help us get up and DO ALL THE HARD THINGS, THROUGH HIS POWER.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3

I mean,  y’all…I preached that poor boy a sermon while he brushed his chompers, and as I was preaching to him, I realized something. Jesus was speaking to my heart while I poured it out to my sweet boy.

You see, the thing is, we all have bikes and EOG tests in our life. For some, it’s repairing a broken marriage or letting go of an addiction. For others, it’s sharing the gospel with your co-workers or taking the next steps to foster or adopt. Maybe it’s trusting Jesus to carry you or a loved one through an illness, or it could be trusting God with you finances enough to begin sharing them and blessing others in need.

There’s a million “could be’s”, but the point is this: when life gets hard and painful and uncomfortable, that’s when Jesus has the most chance to show up and show off!

So, just like I’ve told Jax, about bike riding, climbing monkey bars, loving on the classmate that’s hard to love, or succeeding in school…it might be hard, it might hurt, it probably won’t always be fun, and it will undoubtedly take sacrifice, but it’s worth it. Because it brings Him glory, and we can do it, because He has already won the battle for us and His grace is enough!

Something I pray over my children often is that they will grow to live out His calling on their life with boldness and courage, whatever that calling looks like. I don’t care if they’re a part of the in crowd. I don’t care if they’re valedictorian or the star athlete. I get excited for my kids when they do well at something just like any other parent, but those things aren’t what the greatest prayer of my heart is for them.

I want them to chase after Jesus and live out what He has planned for them. And I learn more and more as I encourage them to seek out God’s plan that I need to be constantly seeking it for my own life. I want to be at a place where validation from the world isn’t something I look for. I want to know in my heart that I am doing what He has called me to, because that’s how legacies are made, and LEGACIES MATTER!

– written by Jennifer Holmes