Jax recently came to us upset about a situation. He doesn’t often get super upset, but in this moment he was beside himself. Frustrated. Angry. Crying.

“I’ve had it! I’ve reached my limit! I’m not doing it anymore.”

The details of the situation are not really important. What I want to talk about more than the situation itself, is the response. Jax found himself in a situation in which he was uncomfortable. Things weren’t going the way he wanted them to go. What was happening wasn’t what he felt should be happening.

His response was frustration, which lead to anger, and then to being upset to the point of tears. Finally, he responded by making his mind up he was finished and walking away.

We all find ourselves in situations that are less than desirable. Let’s face it, at times they are horrific. How many people do we know who are fighting health problems or are financially strapped? How many of us know someone who has been physically or mentally abused? How many of us at some point in our lives have been wronged? Stolen from, lied to, cheated, or maybe just misunderstood? How many of us have found ourselves in the middle of conflicts or situations at work that make us dread going in and desperate to leave?

All of these situations have something in common: they are largely out of our control. We didn’t ask to get sick or be cheated. We aren not the CEO and don’t get to call all the shots. We do not have the power to control what other people think or do.

This truth can leave us feeling helpless. This is certainly how Jax felt in the moment. He was helpless because he could not control the situation. Or was he? Was he really helpless? Completely helpless?

Not at all. The truth of the matter is that Jax, and you and I, have complete control of the key part of any situation…ourselves.

In any situation we encounter, no matter how hurtful or painful, we choose how we respond to it. And that choice, more than the situation itself, is what defines us.

Brave or coward.
Forgiving or bitter.
Hero or villain.
Strong or weak.
Winner or loser.
Love or hatred.

This isn’t easy. Many of us have had tragic events happen in our lives, many likely beyond imaginations. I don’t want to downplay the gravity of the situations we have faced or are currently facing. I recognize that mustering a response that is anything close to positive or loving can seem impossible.

My purpose is to remind us that in these situations, our response is all we have. My aim is to give encouragement to dig deep and find a way to use it well. Let’s not allow a negative response to cause further damage to us or those around us. Instead, let’s wield the tragedy towards a greater good. Turn opposition into victory. Respond to hate with love. Through our tears of sadness, let’s choose to see the brightness in tomorrow. Let’s seek understanding in the midst of the incomprehensible. And resolve to be courageous when the situation, the world, and our own demons are screaming for us to give up.

It is these responses that are remembered. These types of responses shape history and define legacies. I’ll close with a few examples.

“Forgive them father for they know not what they do.” – Jesus on the cross.

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew that if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” – Nelson Mandela

“For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.  I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:” 2 Tim 4:6-7 – Paul in the Roman prison prior to his execution.

 “Nothing that we despise in other men is inherently absent from ourselves. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don’t do, and more in light of what they suffer.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German pastor executed by Nazi’s in 1945.

How you respond matters both to the world and to your legacy.